Message in a Bottle...

Today I had to try and get my 3.5 year-old fusspot to pee in a bottle. I don't wish this task on anybody. I'd rather try and milk a raging bull. At least you can reason with a bull. The whole task went downhill when she announced she had to go potty and her daddy yelled (more like shrieked) from upstairs, "GO GET THE BOTTLE, SHE HAS TO PEE! HURRY UP!!!!!. Needless to say, she was screaming by the time I made it upstairs with the bottle. My poor husband has no prior experience dealing with little girls. He didn't have a plan in place or anything. He thought he could just spring the whole idea of peeing in a bottle on her and still have her cooperate. Boy, was he wrong!

You see my husband was an athlete and he thought he could tell her a story about how he had to pee in a bottle in front of somebody to get drug-tested. Talk about trauma for a little girl. She plugs her ears in public washrooms because the flush is "too loud!". And her daddy thought a good ol' drug-testing story would do the trick. I'm booking the therapist now.

So tomorrow, on my birthday, I have to get her to do "the deed" and get the sample to the lab. I used my motherly charm to get her to at least agree, in principle, to the concept of me holding a bottle under her while she pees. I even told her she could pee all over my hand & she thought that was funny. But that was today, tomorrow is a whole other day. Sometimes her brain resets itself at night and she has no recollection of the agreement we made the night before. Translation: I'm expecting more screaming tomorrow.

As for my motherly charm, I told her a lab technician would look at her pee under a big microscope (she kept saying telescope but that's okay, it is sort of "moon" related). She thought it was funny someone actually had a job to look at pee under a microscope. And then she seriously asked me what they would be looking for. How the heck should I know, was my first thought. And then I remembered my official title: CEO of the Why Question Answerer. So I launched into this whole spiel about internal organs, specifically the kidneys, lungs, liver etc. She seemed happy enough after that but only time will tell.

Wish me happy birthday tomorrow and don't judge me if I bribe her with a birthday cupcake or two. It's almost midnight and I still haven't figured out how to get the pee in the bottle. I'm off to google land.